You're Bloody Joking!
by SunsetRiver
Summary: Meet Jane, Normal 20th century girl. Meet middle earth, supposedly fictional world. Jane and Middle Earth, have some shit to work through, but they can only win together if they can accept each other. Praying isn't going to help either of them.


**Hi everyone! I have been gone a while, but I hope this story will interest a few people. No romance so far, I plan to have this go through all of The Hobbit and into The Lord of The Rings and maybe ****beyond.**

**Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**PROLOUGE**

I'm not an orphan.

I'm not massively rich, or poor.

I don't live in an abusive home, which would be a rather hard goal as I live on my own.

My name is Jane, and I live the most normal, boring, repetitive life in all of Australia.

So why the hell did I get sucked into this cock of shit?

* * *

Gympie. Population 18,603. My home.

Seasons consist of; A little windy and not very hot, sore throat and sometimes wet, sneezing my eyeballs out and starting to sweat, and finally, discovering how disgustingly hot it is when your arse crack is moist.

"Morning Jane. Dan is on the phone, line three."

Gayle Hans, nice lady, about sixty-something years old, and works with me in this hot box called a hardware store. She's your run-of-the-mill wrinkly old lady that comes with long red fake nails, frequently changing hair-colour and three 'strapping young boys, you really ought to meet them I'm sure they'll think you're a hoot dear!'

I have on good authority (a loud douche in the local pub) that at least _one_ of them has sacked Clair Riley. No thanks. Anyone that's been in that mess is bound to come out with something.

Also, I don't think she ever remembers that I'm _twenty years off their age_.

"Thanks Gayle, is this about the quote we gave him for the John Deer ride on?"

"Yes dear, he wants to know if Mike can run by and something or other with the gar box."

"Gear box."

"Sorry dear what was that?"

"Nothing, um, so just looking for a time then?"

"I should hope so, heavens know we'll be filing the mess from the weekend staff all day. You know I told Mike that Mrs. Hurn shouldn't even be in this office, she's far too slow and I heard from Fran that her son is going to marry some dilly from Brisbane! As if we don't have fine girls here, but I told her, I did, I told her about all of Mrs. Bemmers young girls and…"

Ah yes, the background noise of Gayle-force-gossip. Put some cables on that motor mouth and I'm sure she could power the town for a whole year.

"Hi Dan, thanks for holding, what time do you have spare today?"

And that, people, is what I have been doing with my life for the past year and a half. Moving to Gympie from an even smaller town (I know, hard to believe right?) working in this store on weekdays and watching sailor-moon and Seinfeld re-runs on the weekends.

And literally nothing ever changes.

Oh wait, I forgot to introduce myself. Jane Leiser, daughter of Sandra and Nathan Leiser. Only child, twenty three years old going on eighty five. Appearance; boring, and sometimes questionable (only on lonely weekends though, bird nest hair and all). I'm of average height, 171cm tall to be exact.

Weigh about sixty-eight Kilo's, which is like a hundred and fifty pounds or something. So, not thin, but not really big either. Eyes that can't decide between seaweed green and dark blue-ish grey-ish green-ish.

Hair has two modes, live animal or barely contained shoulder length curly bob ball thing. Mix between baby-shit brown and oh-god-what-colour-dirty-blonde-is that-even.

All in all, just a very average girl.

You all must be thinking that I must have_ something_ special about me, right? Well unless you can count eating a whole pizza in one sitting an incredible talent, then by god give me a medal.

Average childhood, average grades, average friends, average, average, _average_.

In fact, I'm so average it's actually _boring_.

But, enough of that, back to sweaty workplace and noisy co-worker.

I landed this job via an add in the local newspaper, only two days after I had moved into my new place. What spiked the move from mum and dads house to here? Nothing really, I guess I thought that moving out of your parents house was a grownup thing to do.

Hasn't changed much though, I do exactly he same thing I used to do at mum and dads house, only now I talk to them over the phone once every couple of days instead of passing moments from my bedroom, to the kitchen, and back to my bedroom again.

Today went by fairly quick, sorted some files, talked to some customers and placed some well practiced ''ooh's'' and "oh no's" and "ah's" in Gayle's general direction.

The drive home is quick as it always is, down the main road, turn left onto McGregor street and follow it all the way to the end.

There it is, my little two bedroom granny-flat. Great for keeping guests over (if I had any).

When I look back on it, today really was just like any other day. There was no mysterious random glowing objects, no 'heirlooms' rattling about, and not even some freaky wind.

I literally just opened my door, sat on the couch, and as I was reaching for the TV remote a sudden flash of white filled my vision.

A noise, louder than the loudest thing I have ever heard one hundred times over produced enough force to fling me out of my chair and into what I assumed was my living-room wall. After that.. well, that's where my story really begins.


End file.
